I’ve found myself in an awful lot of places where I have to meet new people recently. This has not happened in awhile. I guess it is happening now because I am in school again, and in a really small program: I see the same thirty-odd people every day, five days a week. At some point, I am probably going to get to know most of them.
I find the whole process so incredibly awkward. This is bad, because I am absolutely an awkward rambler. I wish I could be laconic and cool, I really do, but it just is not gonna happen. I am a full on Seth Cohen.
And like Cohen and his comic books, there are subjects that I can really, really ramble on about. Some of these things are weird. In an effort not to scare people off, I recently polled my friends on what subjects I instantly alienate people with, and maybe love a little too much. Or as I like to think of it, things I should probably not let myself bring up, because I know I’m going to get weird, and really, why make life that much harder?
I guess I get why people aren’t super into Russia. I mean it’s cold, and they had that whole Cold War thing. More than one person has told me that they don’t care about Russia because they think that Russia is boring.
I think that is crazy talk, because Russia is insanely cool. For one thing, it’s huge! I bet there are so many dinosaurs there that haven’t been dug up. It also has Lake Baikal, the world’s deepest freshwater lake. Something like 20% of the creatures there can’t be found anywhere else in the world. Culturally, Russia is also mindblowing: Russian literature! Russian ballet! Russian tea! Man, I would kill to go to Russia. I wish people would stop telling me I’ll get kidnapped there.
Seriously, though, what do nuns do all day? If anybody tells me “pray,” “teach schoolchildren,” or “Go watch Sister Act,” I swear I will freak out. Don’t you think these were the first things I looked into?! I have much bigger questions about nuns. Like, I know nuns are on Facebook, but do they have cell phones? Can they get data plans? Who pays for their cell phones? And for that matter, do nuns pay rent or hydro or electric bills? How? Does the church cut them a paycheck? Do nuns have savings, like if they want to go to the movies or something? How do they file taxes?
I don’t think I’ll ever be totally satisfied until I talk all this out with a nun, but I don’t know how I will, because these are sort of personal questions, and I don’t think I could ever make friends with a nun with the express purpose of getting close enough to feel comfortable asking her questions about her bills and finances.
Actually, there are a few TV shows that could be subbed into this slot, depending on what I’m cycling through at the moment. Last winter it was Doctor Who. Intermittently through most of my life, it has been Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At least one week a year, it’s The O.C. (who could resist Sandy Cohen’s eyebrows?!)
Suffice it to say that there is usually a TV show, and I’m usually weird about it. Right now, it happens to be LOST. I am fully aware that I am too goddamned into LOST. I just watched the whole series through, and seriously considering running all the way through it again, because what the hell, I miss Sawyer and Desmond and Sayid. To me, LOST is a televisual masterpiece and always appropriate dinner conversation. Unfortunately, to the rest of the world, it appears to be a vaguely dissatisfying TV show that went off the air two years ago.
Oh well. In the immortal words of John Locke, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”
.1. Britney Spears
Personally, I think that Britney Spears is an international treasure. Isn’t everybody fascinated by this scrappy songstress? I mean, look at how far she has come! Remember when she went to Mars and an astronaut gave her the heart of the ocean? Remember when she was dating Justin Timberlake and they would wear MATCHING DENIM JUMPSUITS and everything was beautiful and nothing hurt? Remember way, way back when, when she was a Mouseketeer? Also, remember when she went crazy and shaved her head and drowned in a vat of cheetos, and nobody believed in her anymore, and then, just like a beautiful phoenix, she rose from the ashes? Remember Circus?
Damn Britney Spears is cool. I think the more important issue here is why the rest of the world isn’t too intense about her.